


Reflection

by SymmetryLocked



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TLJ, Sacrificial Death, Suicidal Thoughts, TRoS doesn't exist, please I swear to you it gets happier bear with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27096061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymmetryLocked/pseuds/SymmetryLocked
Summary: "They got close, almost too close for a fight. The rain poured down and soaked them. Their hair, messy and damp, clung to their faces, with sweat dripping down their brows. They held each other’s gaze, mere inches away, dark brown eyes locked onto hazel ones which seemed to reflect nothing but the light of the sabers."(Post-TLJ. TROS doesn't exist.)
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp, To Rapture the Earth and the Seas: the 2020 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology





	1. What If This Storm Ends?

**Author's Note:**

> What if this storm ends and leaves us nothing except a memory, a distant echo?
> 
> (My entry for the 2020 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology! The theme is Rainstorm. Enjoy!)

Rain pounded down upon Rey and Kylo unceasingly, making them weary and sore. With each strike and parry of their lightsabers, it became more evident that the persons in battle did not actually wish to take the other’s life. 

The forest around them resembled the first one they clashed in, with the downpour instead of the snowfall, but the similarities between the fights ended there. This planet, the Planet of Endless Rain some called it, would now be their final confrontation. The war’s fate depended on the duel’s outcome. It had been raging for years, since Kylo had taken up the mantle of Supreme Leader after Snoke’s death. The First Order had ravaged and decimated planet after planet, with him leading the charge. Their numbers grew overwhelmingly large as the Resistance’s forces shrank. This fight was their last stand.

The fiery unstable red blade of Kylo’s lightsaber was perfectly balanced by the calm blue one that Rey wielded. Again and again their blades clashed, enough to match each other but never enough to kill. 

They got close, almost too close for a fight. The rain poured down and soaked them. Their hair, messy and damp, clung to their faces, with sweat dripping down their brows. They held each other’s gaze, mere inches away, dark brown eyes locked onto hazel ones which seemed to reflect nothing but the light of the sabers.

The girl with the teachings of a Skywalker in her mind, and what some thought to be a wrongly held love for a certain young Skywalker still in her heart, held the blue lightsaber which she herself had fashioned. The newest and last Jedi had gone to this desolate planet to end the war once and for all, through the only avenue the Resistance saw left, by defeating the notorious and irredeemable Kylo Ren and thereby overcoming the First Order. Rey had to defeat him now or the Resistance would be crushed entirely.

 _But was he truly beyond saving?_

He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, ready to crush whoever and whatever stood in his way through sheer force. At least, this was what he tried to tell himself. With every step forward in his new position, his heart took a step back. With every life he took in this war he felt a stabbing pain, a raging conflict within him where he had convinced himself there was none. With every action he condemned himself, and he absolutely despised his utter inability to truly let the past die, hated feeling like maybe what he was doing was wrong. This nagging urge towards the light just wouldn’t die no matter how many times he tried to do away with it. He would kill it and this girl, this scavenger, this beacon of light. He had to finish her to prove to himself that he could do it; he could kill the light.

Their ability to connect while across the galaxy had thrown them closer together than they ever dreamed possible. Despite Rey trying to shut this out to the best of her ability, it had remained, even after the events in Snoke’s throne room. Their connection was so strong from light-years away that when they were actually here together, in person, it felt almost overwhelming. It was real, human, physical, and the pure intensity of it all drove their visceral reactions almost to the breaking point. They could sense each other's feelings, impulses, and a slight sense of longing that they seemed unable to leave behind them. The Force was pushing them together, even though they were choosing to tear each other apart. Despite their opposing views, there was palpable heat between them, and it was more than just the lightsabers.

They were the epitome of stubbornness. They shared an inability to open up to the other’s viewpoint and similar inability to let the other go. A constant Force-guided tug of war continued between the two young adults who were not entirely sure the direction they had gone had been the right choice after all. 

They grew aware that this stalemate would continue until one of them was dead, and that their unwillingness to land a killing blow meant that it might _never_ end. They paused momentarily, panting and soaked, and took a moment to breathe without ever letting down their guard. 

“You know you don’t want to do this,” Rey begged. The wash of rain pouring down mixed in with the tears on her face; her lightsaber shook in her grip. 

“Neither do you,” he returned, eyes ablaze. He advanced, slicing viciously forward, and Rey took a step forward to match his blow. He was sick of this. Tired of this mindless fighting, this stalemate. It was time to kill his light once and for all. He felt something dark and cruel swirling around him, whispering: _End her._

He advanced with the ferocity that had been lacking earlier, now fully on the offensive, swinging and striking relentlessly. Rey was forced back and could only concentrate on blocking each attack as it came in. It was if he was possessed, and maybe he was. The darkness in him felt stronger than it had moments ago. He came after her with an intense fury and it took her off guard. 

A surprise attack knocked her lightsaber out of her hand and onto the forest floor. She fell backwards, scrambling to grasp her saber, nearly blinded by the downpour. 

His fiery saber blazed only inches away from her face and she froze, soaked and panting on the ground. This was it. This was how it would end. She wished it could’ve been different.

“Please.” She gazed up into his face, searching for a hint of light, of mercy, of something.

He would not look her in the eyes. 

“Look at me,” she begged him. “ _Please_.” 

Weapon still held in place, he carefully raised his gaze until it met hers. He raised his saber upwards to deliver the final blow. She braced herself, but would not look away.

He swung.

And stopped, mid-strike.

He wanted to end this. But when he looked into her eyes he saw his own. Lost, afraid, doubtful. With something else deep down, something that screamed familiarity, and yet he was unable to place a name on it. 

And he couldn’t do it. 

But, perhaps for the first time in his life, he knew what he could do. He knew what the right decision was. He had to let the light win. 

He let the red flame die out and dropped his lightsaber unceremoniously on the forest floor in front of them. 

Shaking, Rey got back to her feet and collected her saber.

Then, next to his weapon, he fell to his knees.

“Kill me.”

It was not a plea, not a desperate cry wrenched from a drowning soul. It was a command. It was an order drawn from the hardened heart of a man who had made his decision, who knew the way this must end. 

This was not him giving up. This was him making his choice.

Something about his action made the Force take hold, sweeping over them both.

There was no more rain, no forest, no more noise and pain and chaos. It was just the two of them. And nothing else. 

Rey took a step towards him wordlessly, and he glanced up at her, still kneeling, putting her in the ultimate position of power. 

“Kill me.” He looked down, avoiding her gaze. 

She took a step closer, shaking her head, trying but unable to form the words. She was directly in front of him now, lightsaber glowing and shaky in her hand, its buzzing the only noise breaking the silence aside from their heavy breathing. She raised it above his head. He braced himself. Then-

The buzzing ceased as the light retracted. She lowered the saber. 

“I-I can’t. I can’t do it.” The wetness on her cheeks returned unwillingly, tears streaming down her face. A nervous, choked laugh escaped her. Despite everything, they really were terrible at being enemies.

Kylo reached up and wiped his own face hesitantly. His gloved hand came away dripping. Whether the tears were truly his or hers, he couldn’t tell. 

“Rey.” His voice quivered softly, despite his best wishes. “This will put an end to it. There’s nothing left in me to save. If I die, so will the First Order. This is what you need to do.” 

“Ben, that’s not true, it’s not—” 

His breath caught slightly at the mention of his old identity. She hadn’t used it in so long that he had almost forgotten that piece of himself. He cut her off, his anger flaring up like it always seemed to. 

“You know it is! This is the only way you can win.” 

“No, it’s not. I mean, what if- what if you leave the First Order? Join us or just go off somewhere and—”

“No.” He shook his head firmly. “The First Order is entirely under my command. I’ve given them clear orders. They won’t stop unless I’m dead. If I ran away, they would know, they would find me. Or the Resistance would find me and execute me first. This is what you have to do.”

“But we—what will happen to our bond? What will happen—”  
Slowly and carefully, he removed the gloves from his hands and let them fall to the ground. He reached out and placed his hands over Rey’s, the one holding the hilt of her saber. The instant their skin touched Rey stopped talking, hitching back a sob. 

“Let the past—” He moved her hand closer until the unlit lightsaber was pressed directly against his chest, over his heart. “—die.” 

She kept her hand there, shaking, and he held his hands over hers, keeping them steady in the same spot.

His death would turn the tide in their favor and could end the war. She could feel that this was what he wanted, and she knew this was how it must be. But she could also feel something else too, something amplified when she chose to look down into his eyes.

He was afraid. Terrified. Body visibly shaking, becoming just a frightened child once again.

“ _Please,_ ” he added softly, desperately.

Their fear was so thick that it was almost visible in the air, the tension insurmountable. They ached for more time, longing for a different path.

“Rey,” he said quietly, “it’s okay.” 

She shook her head, tears falling, but when his churning emotions calmed into a steady resolve, she took a breath. It was okay. He had accepted his fate, and his sacrifice would put an end to this madness, once and for all. It would be quick. She had to do it, but she couldn’t leave him like this. But there was one last thing she could give. She let her free hand slowly drift up to his face, caress his cheek. Despite the fact they were both soaking wet from the downpour, he savored the warmth of her touch. 

And then, in one swift motion, she reached down and kissed him, simultaneously igniting her saber which he still held in place over his chest. Time froze, and the moment seemed to stretch on, both too long and too short.

A mosaic of thoughts clouded his brain, each passing quicker than the last. His body felt heavy, his vision blurred. Only one thought among the many caught and wouldn’t let go. If the last thing he ever felt was the tenderness of her kiss, it would be alright. The ghost of a smile played on his lips as he pulled away, fading.

“Thank you.”

He doesn’t hear her sob. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am so pleased to be a part of the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology this year! I'm sorry for all the angst, but there are two chapters to go and I swear there will be a happy ending, so please bear with me! I'll be updating on a regular basis. The title of this chapter is a reference to the Snow Patrol song "The Lightning Strike (What if this Storm Ends?)" and I recommend listening to it if you haven't.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you will continue to read to the conclusion! Let me know your thoughts, and come say hi to me on Twitter ([@trashqueenkylo](https://twitter.com/trashqueenkylo)) or on Tumblr ([trashqueenkyloren](https://trashqueenkyloren.tumblr.com))!


	2. Through the Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I watch the sea creep around the corner. It connects the dots from here to you.

He woke up with his mind in a haze. Wasn’t he dead? Memories floated around him like clouds, and each attempt to grasp one left it dissolving in his fingers. No. He could feel the ground beneath his feet. A floor made of smooth, gray stone. He could still feel. He could still breathe. It took him a moment to steady himself before he stood up, attempting to study his surroundings. His memories were still fuzzy, but he was sure this was a place he had never been before. A cave, or perhaps a palace, a grand empty room with a faint blue aura. The air was crisp and clean and smelled faintly of summer. Breathing in refreshed him. Where was he?

He walked forward, attempting to find some way out of this gray cave-like place when down the hall ahead of him a blurry silhouette approached. He held out his hands defensively. His lightsaber was nowhere to be found, but he could put up a fight if he had to. He lowered them again when he felt the light, calming presence of the figure. She was no threat to him.

The woman walked forward until she came into view. She wore a brilliant blue cloak over a flowing blue robe, her curly brunette hair falling in waves down her back.

“Welcome, Ben,” she greeted him, her voice light and sweet.

“Who are you?” His voice contained a note of hesitation, although something about her presence felt familiar to him. 

She smiled kindly. “My name is Padme. I’m your grandmother.” 

He recognized the name. He had heard stories in his youth that his grandmother had died young, although tales of his family ancestry were generally avoided and hidden from him.

“Am I dead?” 

She shook her head, and his confusion grew more apparent.

“Where am I?” 

“Come with me,” she answered cryptically. She walked ahead of him and he followed her down the corridor, the walls shifting color from gray to white to blue. 

“You are no longer with the living, but that does not mean you are among the dead either. This is an ancient place, older than life itself. A place of pure Force energy.” She ran her hand along the wall as she walked. “I couldn’t sense it during my lifetime, but anyone can sense it here. The Force uses this place to communicate with other beings. They call it the Wellspring.” 

“Why...why does the Force want me here?” he asked cautiously.

“You are half of a dyad,” she answered, “and dyads cannot be separated. Not even by death.” She turned and gestured at his chest, and he placed a hand over his heart as memories of the battle returned to him. He felt his chest. No wound. Not even a hole in his shirt. Even the dark, creeping pain that had made its home in his chest seemed to have vanished. He was filled with a lightness he had never felt in his life. They continued on.

“The Force recognizes your selflessness but does not forgive your actions either. But you are being given a new chance in recompense for your sacrifice.” 

“I...I don’t understand.”

“You will in time.” 

They soon came to an ornate white marble door at the end of the hall. Padme stopped and turned around to face him, studying his face and his scars. 

“You’ve been through so much,” Her brows creased with worry but then she shook her head, as if it wasn’t her place to comment on it. “My time here is over for now, but there is still someone else you must visit.” She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodbye, Ben.” She began to walk away, and when he turned to look back at her, she was already gone. 

He took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Then pushed open the marble door. 

In the center of the room, there was a lake unlike any other he had seen before. It was wide and expansive yet crystal clear, with an aqua tinge. It seemed to shimmer as he approached.

“Ben.” 

He turned sharply, a figure appearing at his side. 

“ _ Mom _ .”

He fell to his knees as Leia went to embrace him. He couldn’t stop the tears from running down his cheeks. There were so many things he wanted to say, all tangled together and caught in his throat.

The only thing he could choke out was “I’m so sorry.” 

“I know.”

She shushed him as he fell at last into his mother’s embrace, and she welcomed him with open arms. 

“I saw everything, Ben. You could’ve killed her and you didn’t.” She could feel the light in him, burning brighter than ever before, and it warmed her heart. “You made the right choice. I’m proud of you.” 

“But I—” He felt he didn’t deserve her compassion, but she gave it to him despite everything. 

“I never gave up hope that you would return to me. You’re here now and that’s what matters.” She ended their embrace and ran her fingers through his dark hair like he was just a child again. 

“But you can’t stay here.” 

He stood up and glanced down at her, concerned. She brought her hand up to his cheek, like his father had done. 

“You’re still so young. It’s not your time yet. You still have more life to live, more chances to grow.” 

“I—isn’t this what you wanted?” Did he have a right to live? A right for his mother’s forgiveness?

“Stop that,” she reprimanded him, giving him a light pat on the cheek. Her earthy brown eyes carried a sadness deeper than the lake surrounding them. 

“I never wanted this for you. I only wanted you to live. To embrace the light. And now’s your chance.” She took his hand and led him to the edge of the shimmering water. 

“There’s a way back. You are part of a dyad, a bond that cannot be broken.” 

“Rey,” he breathed. He felt ashamed to speak her name after everything he had done to her.

“I’m afraid there is only one person who can bring you back into the world of the living.” 

He leaned over and glanced into the edge of the lake. Instead of his own reflection staring back at him, there was an image of the girl he knew all too well. Her dark hair and eyes had haunted his visions, his dreams, enchanting him. 

“Only she can save you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Force works in mysterious ways (wink). Will Rey be able to save him? Keep reading to find out ;') Anyway, as always, thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts! One final chapter to go, and it will be posted in a week or two. Feel free to come say hi to me on Twitter ([@trashqueenkylo](https://twitter.com/trashqueenkylo)) or on Tumblr ([trashqueenkyloren](https://trashqueenkyloren.tumblr.com))! Hope you guys are enjoying the ride!


	3. Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was bound to go right, sometime today. All these broken pieces fit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy the final chapter!

Ever since the night of the battle, when she had watched Kylo—no, Ben Solo—die in her arms, Rey had been unable to sleep. She would lie awake at night in her bed, staring at the ceiling and counting numbers in her head, unable to quiet her racing thoughts or her guilty conscience. 

A month crawled by. With the Supreme Leader and his generals gone, the First Order had fallen and their troops scattered. The Resistance had brought peace in the galaxy. Rey wished her heart could be at peace as well. Yet she remained restless, dark circles forming under her eyes as she wondered if there could’ve been another way. Wondering if she had done the right thing. She killed him. Wasn’t that the same as giving in to the dark side? Just thinking about it was enough to drive her mad. 

People were moving on, beginning to rebuild and recover from the trauma and terror the First Order had wreaked upon the galaxy. Finn and Poe had noticed Rey’s restlessness, but she refused to talk about what had happened on the planet with anyone. Despite their concerns, she brushed them off and isolated herself, locking herself away in her quarters. But what hurt her the most was how much she missed him. Their Force-talks, their fighting, his intense stare. Their connection had made her feel less isolated, but now she had trouble opening up to anyone, even the friends she cared for deeply. She felt empty, as if stabbing a lightsaber through his chest had simultaneously put one through her own. It was misery. 

Then the dreams started. When she forced herself to pass out from pure exhaustion, she dreamed of people and strange things, fading in and out of her mind. She saw a man dressed in black robes. He was tall with dark blond hair and a scar down his right eye, much like the one she had given to Ben. His presence in the Force reminded her of Ben as well, a maelstrom of light and darkness, except his aura had settled into a peaceful harmony. He was familiar, but she couldn’t recognize him. 

“Rey,” he extended a hand to her. “It’s never too late.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“The light side can’t exist without the dark. They need each other to keep the universe in balance. Two halves of a whole. It’s never too late for a second chance.”

She wanted to ask him more; she wanted answers, but he was gone before the questions were able to form on her lips. 

Other nights she saw shadows, swirling, light and dark. A lake of vibrant colors whispering her name, calling to her. 

Then the shadows took another shape, a familiar form she had missed dearly.

“Master Skywalker!” 

Luke smiled at her formality. “Rey, listen to me. No one’s ever really gone.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, a tentative bloom of hope starting to grow within her at his words. 

Luke placed his hands on her shoulders and his voice grew serious. “Go back to where it ended. Reawaken what you’ve lost. The dyad cannot be broken. Now, go.” 

He pushed her away and she fell backwards, falling into the abyss, until she splashed into a lake or maybe an ocean, sinking deeper and deeper until she was completely submerged, gazing upwards at the water surrounding her as she continued to descend.

She awoke with a start—panting, sweating, yet somehow exhilarated. She touched her face, her hair. They were soaking wet. She was right; these were more than just dreams, they were a message—a vision sent from the Force itself. They were real. Ben Solo was alive, and she was going to find him.

* * *

Rey packed a bag and set out the next day, telling her friends she needed to go pick up a few things and avoiding details about her exact location. She decided to take the Millenium Falcon by herself, throwing her stuff in and setting a course for the planet on which they had held their final battle, what seemed like so long ago. She thought about Luke’s words. She figured this was where the war had ended, the Planet of Endless Rain, so perhaps she would be able to find the answers she needed here. 

Upon her arrival back at the fateful forest, she noticed something was amiss right away, although she couldn’t figure out what it was at first. Something just seemed...off as she got out of the ship and began venturing deeper into the forest. And then it hit her. The Planet of Endless Rain had no rain. 

“Well, that’s a new one,” she muttered to herself. She remembered the sensation of drowning in her dream and knew water somehow played a part in bringing Ben back, although she was not yet sure of how. She closed her eyes and placed a hand on the ground. This was the same exact place where they had fought, where his body had faded away that fateful evening. Surely, she would be given some kind of answers. 

Visions flashed. Rain. A lake. A cave. She instinctively knew where she had to go, as if a map had somehow been implanted into her mind. She swung her bag back over her shoulder and started running through the trees, twisting and turning through the foliage. The planet looked so much different, greener, without the rainstorm distorting her view. She ran down the hill and saw an entrance to a cave. Drawing nearer, she grew cautious, but once she got inside, a vast lake of crystal clear water emerged before her. The air tasted salty and cool. There was something special about this place.

She stopped when she got to the edge of the water. The lake was calm, serene. She jumped a bit when she looked into the lake and saw not her own reflection, but that of a tall, familiar man staring back at her. _Ben._ She reached into the water as if to grab him, but when the stillness of the surface rippled away, the image disappeared. 

Sighing and unsure of what to do, she sat down cross-legged on the lakeshore and began to meditate. 

_Be with me._

She cleared her head and let her thoughts flow through her, one by one. The lake. The Jedi from her dreams. Leia. Ben.

_Be with me._

She kept her focus but opened her eyes and stood at the edge of the water, watching his reflection stare back at her, waiting. She felt the Force flow through her and the world seemed to fall silent, as if it was holding its breath. 

She reached into the water one more time, but this time the water solidified and took form. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up out of the water in one fluid motion. 

She quickly realized that she hadn’t planned this out enough as she pulled him out, falling backwards from the force of the motion and landing with a thud on the shore. Ben landed on top of her rather ungracefully. He pushed off of the ground with his hands and they held there for a moment—breathing heavily, drenched, unsure of what had just happened. 

And then she broke into a smile. “You came back.” 

“You saved me.” 

Embarrassed, they sat up, but then leaned forward and pulled each other into a tight embrace. Despite being wet, he was radiating warmth and his arms enveloped her. The emptiness in her chest melted away with each second that passed. This felt right. The dyad had been reunited. Two parts of a whole. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“No.” He shook his head. “I am.” 

They wanted to hold onto the moment as long as possible, but eventually they had to pull away. 

“The war is over, because of you,” she told him. “You don’t have to worry anymore.” 

“The First Order?” he hesitated to ask.

“Gone,” she replied. 

“...What about me?” 

“The world thinks you’re dead, and they’re right.” 

He shot her a quizzical look.

“The Kylo Ren they knew is gone.” She placed her hand on his cheek and stroked it lightly, then ran her fingers through his hair. The darkness she had always sensed in him was much calmer, smaller now. But the light shone brightly. “But Ben is alive.” 

He remembered his final moments clearly now, the tenderness of her lips against his own, and wondered what the future held in store for them. 

“Will you stay with me?” she asked, her voice near a whisper.

Their fingers intertwined.

“Always,” came the quick reply.

She stood up. “Come back to base with me.” 

“I don’t think your friends will be too pleased to see me.”

“Then we can stop there and then head somewhere else, anywhere else.” It didn’t matter where, as long as they had each other. 

“But what if—”

She grabbed his hand and pulled him along with her. “Oh, just shut up and get on the Falcon.”

And so he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it all the way to the end, I'm grateful! Please let me know your thoughts, and anything else you'd like to see me write in the future. I really hope you guys liked it! Also, feel free to come say hi to me on Twitter ([@trashqueenkylo](https://twitter.com/trashqueenkylo)) or on Tumblr ([trashqueenkyloren](https://trashqueenkyloren.tumblr.com))! Thank you for reading my little story :)
> 
> (Also, random fun fact: this was originally going to be a oneshot with just the first chapter (which I started writing after TLJ...) but after the way TRoS ended, I thought that was too sad. Hope you enjoyed the additions! -wink-)


End file.
